No one can “convince” anyone to do anything. There is no such thing as convince.

 

The definition* of convince – cause (someone) to believe firmly in the truth of something.

*This definition is quite impossible.

 

I propose this definition – provide one or more factors in opposition to (someone’s) belief.  Note that this definition omits an outcome. The simple point, no one can ever cause a change in another person’s mind.  At BEST, a person can cause someone else to re-evaluate the factors (or add new factors) to another person’s decision process.

 

One of the biggest myths people hold as a truth today is that they have the ability to change someone. Force (ie a shock to the system) is the only method that can change a person’s mind… and this is clearly not “convincing.”  Pointing a gun at someone is not “convincing” them to give you their wallet. The same is true for a wife and an alcoholic husband; the wife saying “you must choose me, or the rum” is not “convincing,” it’s just providing a choice between something that is meant to inflict great pain and something less painful (like, give me your wallet or I shoot).

 

A very simple example:  A kid is constantly taking candy out of the candy tray and eating it. Let’s try to “convince” the child:

“Robby, that’s too much candy, please stop.”

Still eating

“Robby, don’t eat all the candy right now, save some for later.”

Still eating

“Robby, stop eating the candy and I’ll give you a puppy.”

Kid spits out the candy, sits, and smiles

 

Yet another example that Robby chose to stop eating candy because he preferred the alternative. The same would likely have been true if the parent threatened a punishment. Neither is “convincing” its just changing the factors in the kid’s decision process.

 

Food, however appetizing it might be can never convince a person to eat it… the person decides to eat it.

 

A dog is not convinced by its owner to perform a trick for a treat… the dog has decided to sit because it wants the reward.

 

A woman thinks she convinced her alcoholic husband to stay sober. What has actually happened is the husband decided that his wife means more to him than his vice. Conversely, if the husband remains an alcoholic and is left by his wife, she did not fail to convince him. He simply decided she wasn’t worth it.

 

Therefore if you ever find yourself trying to “convince” someone… save yourself the time and trouble. Just give them a choice.

 

My experience determines my choice; My choice determines my experience.

My experiences define who I am; who I am defines my choices.

Ask yourself, where do you fit in?